Saturday, April 21, 2012

Diarrhea in the Crawl Space


Disclaimer:

On the "Backside of 40" a good sense of humor is essential :)


Diarrhea in the Crawl Space:

Here is the scene. We had just sold our home but had left behind an old unreliable freezer in the garage that the new homeowner wanted removed. I took along my 3 year old daughter for the trip. We get to the house and realized the freezer had been unplugged for two days. Not thinking, I opened the freezer door spilling the rotten contents of the freezer on the garage floor. The rotten food and muck ran out like a small flood onto the floor, our feet, and proceeded down the driveway.

The rotten smell was intense. You know that feeling you get in your stomach when it starts to cramp and you know that you better find a bathroom quick. The house was locked, there was no where to go quickly. I knew there was no way to get in the car and make it to a bathroom in time.

In split second decision I decided to take an abandoned cardboard box and head for  the crawl space for a quick bathroom break, after all it was private (This is how a man really thinks). I instructed the 3 year old to stand watch and to alert me if she saw someone pulling into the drive. All was going well at this point, then I heard my daughter in soft low voice say "Daddy Someone is Coming".

The person pulling into the drive was the new owners mother. She was quickly into the garage and talking to my daughter. At this point I am not yet to place where I can cut of the flow and pull up my pants. Then the lady started inquiring "Honey Where are Your Parents". In the honesty of a 3 year old my daughter promptly replied "He's in there (pointing to the crawl space)". By this time I had my pants up and on the way out of the crawl space. I stepped out of the crawl space dripping with sweat and feeling like I might need another trip back soon. The lady eventually left. We spent the rest of the day cleaning up the messes (plural).